We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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