Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
