This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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