My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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