I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
