Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
