You're completely useless in the revolution.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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