Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
