Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
