We're facebook friends in real life
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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