Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
