It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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