Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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