you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
