So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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