I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
