its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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