it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
