I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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