Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
