Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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