Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
