And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
