I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Just cropdusted the office
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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