omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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