11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I think I won the penis lottery.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
