I am in a vortex of obligation.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
