I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
