Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
