and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Randomize
