I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
