Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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