check it out our google latitudes are spooning
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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