I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
