just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
