The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
