I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
