yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just cropdusted the office
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
