dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
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