Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
