Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
