Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
