u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Pappa wants mamma naked
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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