Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
