is your mom at the bar?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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