You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
