yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
