Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Green mimosas i think yes
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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