Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Randomize
