i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
