I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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