imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
