fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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