Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
