Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
