Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
