girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
