I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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