i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Oh god it's open bar.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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