there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
