Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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