people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
