She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
