I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
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He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
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If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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