what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
