Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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