I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
