I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
