you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
