Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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