Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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