I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
why do cheetos always look like penises
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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