The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize