im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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