2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
