Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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