Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
