in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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