we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
