If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
