Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
