My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
