Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
3 2 1 whiskey
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
