absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Randomize
